Now What Do You Do?

Now What Do You Do?

Okay. We just laid waste to your personal lives. We admit it. If all the women in this book listened tothese answers, there would right now be a fresh crop of newly single women out there.

Therefore, it seems like it’s our duty to discuss what one must do after the breakup.

We’re not psychiatrists or very girly (particularly Liz), so we’re not going to talk about candles and bubble baths and sending yourself flowers. But I think we could ask you to at least try to notice, even just a tiny bit, how good it feels to be out of a relationship with someone who actually wasn’t that into you.

Can you at least feel that sense of relief? When you think about it, making all those excuses for someone and trying to “figure someone out” takes up a lot of energy. Think of all the time you’ve opened up for so many other more positive things besides obsessing over him. Yes, breakups are painful, even from someone you may have only dated a few times. You may have been really excited about him and had a lot of hopes for the future. But how empowering to have the mental clarity to say, “He just wasn’t that into me.” Can you imagine that girl in the future?

Nothing will be able to stop her!

Now, there’s a million things you can do after a breakup; what you do during that time—yoga,

affirmation tapes, murder—is your business. But basically you’re going to have to feel the pain, you’re going to have to go through it, and then you’re going to have to get over it. All we can try to do in this book is help you do it differently in the future. The first thing we’re going to recommend is setting some standards.

Reset Your Standards

Sure, you say, “But I have standards.” Well, your standards led you to this book, so let’s raise them.

Let’s set a dignified bar for you to exist at. Let’s put you in charge with how it’s going to go next time. (But you ask, “What if there isn’t going to be a next time?” And we say, “Stow that bad-news cargo onthe sure-to-sink ship. Because that ship is about to hit Sad Island and we don’t want you on it.”)

A standard is setting a level for yourself of what you will or won’t tolerate. You get to decide how it’s going to be for you. You can now design the person you want to be in the future, and the standards you want to have. Write your new standards down so you’ll never ever forget them, no matter how cute he is or how long it’s been since you’ve had sex. (Okay, we admit it, some of our workbook things were a little silly, but this one we mean.) Make sure you know what you stand for and what you believe in.

And because we obviously think we know better than you (we got a book deal, didn’t we?), we’re going to give you some standard suggestions.

Standard Suggestions

I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.

I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.

I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me.

I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.

I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.

I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.

I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.

I will not date a man who is married.

I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.

Now it’s your turn. Only you know the standards you haven’t set for yourself. Write them down. Don’t forget them.

MY SUPER-HELPFUL STANDARDS THAT I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET OR FORSAKE NO

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